To Lie, Or Not To Lie
Do we lie more on the web than we do in person? Gwendolyn Seidman writes that most studies reveal we are more honest online than we are offline. And as somebody who identifies as an introvert, I know exactly why.
Societal pressures are abundant, heavy, and ever expanding. Although we love to pat ourselves on the back for living in a modern world with enlightened perspectives, the truth is we still have archaic views regarding success and happiness. Weight, beauty, money – they’re all rather small and shallow accomplishments in the grand scheme of the universe, yet we continue to worship these traits like deities.
We are never good enough, not for each other and not for ourselves. Even those of us with confidence oozing from our pores have insecurities (and maybe even use this confidence as a smoke screen). We have a need to belong. We require affection and acceptance. Within social settings (perhaps even with out our noticing) we tend to conform in hopes of finding that acceptance. And if we realize our current “accomplishments” are unsatisfactory, we fix it by telling a white lie or two, because nobody wants to feel inferior or ostracized.
As I mentioned, I identify as introverted. I prefer quiet reflection and observation to social gatherings and spontaneity. Social engagements can be overwhelming, and although there are several reasons for this (including social anxiety), for me the major component is feeling less than everyone else in the room. I am still discovering me, and I am riding the slow moving train to self-worth. (I think I can, I think I can…maybe?) The people around me have reached milestones and experienced joys I have yet to encounter, and despite my compassion for them it leaves me feeling small and insignificant. I am often tempted to lie when meeting new people. Who isn’t? I want to equal their successes, or rather the successes our society expects us to obtain.
Even for extroverts I imagine these societal pressures can become overpowering. Anxieties escalate during face-to-face encounters because adding eye contact and sweat glands to any situation is never a good thing. It’s the definition of exposure.
This sense of exposure can be alleviated on the Internet, because our computer screens serve as safety nets -- an embarrassment buffer between us and the world. It’s easier for people to unveil themselves with this safeguard. You can reveal your personality without revealing your person.
There is somebody for everybody on the web. Whether it’s a social platform, dating site, personal blog, or a subreddit on teapot cozies and pirate metal, whatever your poison, it’s there. You can express yourself and meet others who share your thoughts. I am technically alone yet still feel “social.”
On the other side of the coin, people on the web are quick to ruin and expose “liars” or “hypocrites.” (It’s become quite the blood sport.) So why take the risk? The truth can spread like rapid fire and your embarrassment can be encouraged and fueled by cyber bullies. I am not willing to take that chance, and I imagine that is the general consensus.
If Siedman’s article taught me anything, it’s that we’re all just a bunch of liars online and offline. We lie. We lie a lot. Sometimes we lie for fun or profit, but usually we’re harmless and driven by need and fear of embarrassment. We lie to fit in. We lie to feel good. We want to be thin and beautiful and rich and smart and perfect. It’s virtually impossible to fit into these categories (as we currently define them) so the result is lying our little hearts out. Instead of questioning where we lie, we should ask why we lie and how can we take better steps to eliminate less than syndrome?